How many struggles have you experienced that now you can hardly remember? While in the middle of struggling it is hard to see the future and what it will be like when you are past it.
I remember with the birth of our first daughter (now in her middle teens), and again later with our twins (now pre-teens) how much our lives were turned up-side-down. The life that we had with new born babies at the time seemed to be the life we would always have. I know it isn’t rational but I remember thinking “our life is getting up in the middle of the night to feed and change diapers”. We couldn’t just pick up and go places anymore. While painful, it was of course wonderful at the same time. As I think back now, I can hardly remember that time.
I felt the same way about going to college. I couldn’t imagine having my degree until it was handed to me. I’ve also felt this way in jobs that I didn’t like anymore. I couldn’t imagine a career where I would be happier.
Of course all of that was ridiculous. Our kids can take care of themselves now and my career keeps growing and getting better.
When it feels like nothing is going to change:
- Make a list of what is so difficult to deal with right now. Write specifics about what is so hard (like getting up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, or studying when you would rather do something with your friends).
- Think about your past when you had this same feeling. Use these past experiences as tools to remind yourself that you will some day be out of this experience.
- Create a vision of the future. Allow yourself to picture what it will be like when you are done with this period of your life.
- Enjoy what you can from this challenging time. There is always something to learn through any kind of strife. Make a list of what you can learn from this experience. Maybe you will make a different choice in the future (like seeking a job with a different career path). Maybe what you are experiencing now will help you experience greater joy later (getting your degree or having a self sufficient child).
It is so hard to imagine but nothing ever stays the same. It will change. Being able to see that things will be different is a great tool to making it through difficult times now.
What do you struggle to remember now about a difficult experience from your past? What did you learn from that experience?
I always enjoy your postings Chirs. Thanks
It really means a lot to hear. Thank you for your comment. I’m glad you enjoy the site.
This reminds me of two things in particular, the first because I just “resolved” it today: http://twitpic.com/63irw6
The second was a little more than a year ago: http://twitpic.com/1wjlvh
The reason I relate is that when our water system broke down I literally learned plumbing as I went about the process of fixing it, with the oddly appropriate sound of the radio feed of the 24 hrs of Le Mans as my background noise… so all this talk about cars keeping pace and getting hammered on and fixed while I’m hammering and fixing things, something not likely to happen to me in quite the same way again… and in the process, I know how to install a well pump now.
Of course there are more things I could dig up if I wanted.
Thanks for your comment.
Thanks to the rough patch I seem to have hit this month, this is just in time for me. Another friend of mine just told me to do the exact same thing you’re talking about here on your blog. It’s acting as a reminder to stay on the positive side of things, and that everything bad has to come to a conclusion eventually.
You have a good friend. Thanks for your comment.
I’ve kept journals for years and this is one of the reasons why I do it – it really helps me get perspective to drag the problem out into the cold light of day, think it over, propose solutions to it, and search how I’ve resolved similar thinks before.
It’s also encouraging to read through old entries and see that either they weren’t as bad as I thought they were initially or to reflect on how I solved that too and moved on with my life.
Nancy
Great use of your journals. I really like your example of realizing things weren’t as bad as you thought or how you solved an issue.